Although your lender is the owner of your debt, you truly are the owner of your home. You decide what color the living room wall is, whether or not to add the half-bath on the main level, granite or quartz in the kitchen, and so forth. And the joy of home ownership comes with the knowledge that you are responsible for that home, and no one else can tell you what to do with it. It is, at its core, the definition of adulthood. You have arrived!
So when the process begins, it's important to balance your natural and warranted excitement with a pragmatic perspective. By that I mean don't have stars in your eyes. It ain't done till it's DONE.
photo by http://www.clownlink.com/2011/02/commedia-cosmology-masters-lovers-and-servants
My theatre background took me to some wonderful places and I learned under some great teachers. One of the schools I attended for theatre had a very pragmatic perspective on the art form. The school was based in physical theatre (the place where narrative story telling and dance meet). The school is in an old fire station in a small, isolated town on the coast. We were socked in with nothing but the teachers and our fellow students, inoculated by the all-encompassing curriculum! What fun! We studied ancient Commedia, acrobatics, clown, and more, in a traditional Italian style.
The ethos of this school has a name, that reflects the world-view of the masters of the genre. The assumption is that nothing is ever right. You are always, by nature as a human, at a place of deficit. Your goal is to attain a level of proficiency in the art that is actually unachievable. This way, you will always do your best and work hard. Pretty effective. This attitude is called "Via Negativa", or negative view. After our class presentations, the teachers were obligated to address only the failures of our work. It was understood that the good was in there, but that it was not useful to note any of it. It was only useful to look at what was not working. Class mates cried in fits of frustration because they felt that they were being abused by the teachers. They tried their hardest to please the Teacher, who could not be more disinterested, which in turn made the students try harder.
Here is the lesson: A developed adult doesn't seek approval from his or her elders. He seeks approval from himself by achieving his personal goals. And buying your first home is just such an achievement.
Much like the art of theatre, buying a home is extremely complicated and fraught with variables that are unknowable. I have been on stage in front of hundreds of people, engaged in a scene that we have rehearsed fifty times, we have it down COLD. And all of a sudden, a prop that we need to make it to the next scene breaks, or disappears. Or an actor forgets a line that is required for the next major plot point to occur. Or someone doesn't show up on stage on their cue! Where the hell are they???! Backstage trying to get a damned snap to work on their robe. Oops.
And, as a home buyer, just like in the theatre, you are naked in front of the world. Your financial situation is picked apart with a fine-tooth comb by your lender, and you will be asked to find and submit documents regarding your personal life that you never even knew existed! Your lender has the Via Negativa. She is only looking at what's going to trip you up. You must do the same. Your lender is a neutral teacher who you bounce off in order to gain access to your personal goals.
Be excited about your new home at two times: When you're looking at houses, seeing the potential in them for your future; and when you move in. Those are the times to celebrate! The rest of the process should be looked at as a zen study of what is not working, and a total repair of those items.
The assumption that it's not going to work will make you work harder to make it work. And the only real difference between being an actor and being a home-owner is that with the right perspective, you will attain that dream of ownership of property. Actors never reach their goal. It is a lifelong pursuit of something that will never be achieved.
You can get your house. GET IT.
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